Monday, February 3, 2014

What is with being bad?

I have grown up with stories of morality, goody good humans, sensitivity, gratitude and being helpful to others.  They (in this essay, ‘they’ means people or society) say that if I followed the set rules – then only I will be acceptable by society. They say if I do not follow these rules than I will be shunned by society and society shall have a right to judge me. They say that being a girl I have to know cooking, cleaning, stitching, mothering, housework and to balance between all odds and even. I have to be faithful to my husband and a ‘pure’ woman throughout life to be “seek” by my in-laws; who no one has seen yet.

I say, “why?”

Why do I have to prove myself in order to win a ‘husband?’ why have I to be accepted or neglected by society – who gave them rights to judge me? No one asked my permission – but, wait, are girls ALLOWED to speak or think? No, we are just a mere showpiece that has to better in comparison  to neighbors.

To all this, I say a big ‘NO.’  I choose a life for myself. When I was born, I was taught who my relatives are and I did not CHOOSE them. And, irrespective of that, what I do of my life or become that is solely my responsibility.

Yes, I am girl and I HATE housework. I cannot tolerate myself to dust things and set them in proper order. I have absolutely no problem with my room or house being scattered. Yes, I am a girl, and I have petrified of motherhood.  I like kids, but absolutely cannot stand their cries entire day or night or taking care of them. Yes, I am girl and I love to put on my pyjamas and old tee and roam around. Yes, I am a girl and I do not love dieting; I love eating. I cook occasionally – but, that doesn’t mean I am ready to spend my entire time there. I just HATE to make morning breakfast and tea. To add to it, I cannot even make round chappatis. Yes, I am a girl, I do have friends, and I hang out with them. Yes, I am a kind of girl who instead of serving guests would love to learn bike or rather go alone on a long drive. Yes, I am a girl, but I love laughing and talking in middle of my college and enjoy life. Yes, I am a girl, and I do love my job. I would rather sit at office than sit at home. Even if sitting on home calls; I would prefer to read than to complete chores. Yes, I am a girl, and I love travelling alone. Yes, I am a girl and I would love to go out for parties with friends and chill with them instead of staying closed up at home. Yes, I am girl who do not and will not ever follow norms. Yes, I am a girl – and girls can be themselves! They do not need to be taught who they have to be.

As I speak or type this out, I know many hands would be pointed and judgments will be passed. As I said earlier, I am a girl and I absolutely do not care if you judge me. My life cannot be defined by what people say.

They say after hearing my answers that since I do not suit their structure, I am bad.  I will not find a good house if I do not bend or mend my ways. I say, who is bothered to get married. They are hoping that I might be scared but the only thing I can is - Yes, I am a girl and I am proud of who I am.


kusum choppra said...

atta, girl, way to go. that's how you come into your own and become your own woman. and care a damn for the neighbors.

Nikita Dudani said...

@Kusum ma'am: thank you :) Exactly.. I am in progress of finding and learning about myself

E.T. said...

What I say everyday! And THIS is why I have not find a good home to be married into... guess what?! I DONT want to get married or have children or listen to tanaas! I am absolutely content at this point in my life and I thank God for it.
Thank you for posting this Nikita... thank you thank you!
much love,

Nikita Dudani said...


Glad to know that you agree and are strong enough to be happy what you are without being dependent on anyone. Three cheers for that. Precisely my point for writing this - we girls, need to love ourselves first :)


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